Read funny blonde jokes which makes you laugh

Read our awesome blonde jokes that will make you laugh and laugh, we tried to write the best jokes here, including all types of blonde jokes, including dumb blonde jokes and dirt blonde jokes, and funny blonde jokes.

Funny blonde jokes

Funny Blonde jokes- Dirty blonde jokes-Dumb blonde jokes- Smart blonde jokes

1. A businessman got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F.

The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.

'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"

The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday.'"


2. Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?  Because she was trying to make up her mind.


3. Mary Jane was walking on the beach one day and saw a shark swimming around a man. The man was screaming, "Help me! Help me!"Mary Jane laughed and laughed! She knew that the shark was never going to help that man!


blonde jokes

4. A blonde walks into an electronics store and points to something behind the clerk. "How much is that television set? " she asks. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," the clerk said. So, the girl walks out. The next day, she returns wearing a brown wig. She again approaches the clerk and asks "How much is that television set behind you? 

"The clerk replies, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes. "Again, the girl walks out. She again tries the next day, this time wearing a red wig. She goes up to the clerk and asks "How much is that television set behind you? 

" The clerk again replies, "We don't sell to blondes! "Well, the girl was kind of suspicious. She asks carefully, "How do you know I'm a blond? "The clerk looks at the girl and says... "Because that's not a television, it's a microwave! "


5. Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "Its dark in here isnt it?" The other replied, "I dont know; I cant see!"


6. This fat guy sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They strip him and lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute. He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a gorgeous blonde, stark naked, with a sign saying 

"If you catch me, I'm yours." 

He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed. Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg. 

He's back on the street and starts to think. 

"Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..." 

So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg." 

"No problem," says the manager. 

Again he strips, and is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a gorilla with a sign. 

"If I catch you, you're mine." 


7. A blonde calls her mom... Blonde: Mom mom!! I'm a genius! Mother: Really dear? How's that possible? Blonde: I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'.


Funny blonde jokes- Dumb blonde jokes

8. A blonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a tree in the park.

A few days later, a man was walking his dog and spotted her hanging from the tree. He asks the blonde what she is doing and she replies, "I'm hanging myself." "You're supposed to put the noose around your neck, not your waist," said the onlooker. "I tried that," replied the blonde, "but I couldn't breathe.


9. A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. 

 He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you dont know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. " Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you dont know the answer you pay me $5.00, 

and if I dont know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blondes attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. 

 The lawyer asks the first question. "Whats the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesnt say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, 

"What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, whats the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep. And you thought blondes were dumb.


10. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park one morning.Suddenly, the brunette notices a dead bird. "Awww, look at the dead birdie," she says sadly.The blonde stops, looks up into the sky, and says, "Where? Where?"


11. Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.


12. Q. What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg? A. Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

13. Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A. Because that's where your supposed to wash vegetables.

14. Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof? A. More leg-room!

15. A Blonde and a Burnette are watching the news at 6. It is live on the scene. It has been reported that a old homeless man is on top of a large bridge and swears that he will jump off the bridge. 

The Burnette turns around and says to the Blonde" I bet you $50 that he will jump. Th blonde says" You're on. Sure enough the old man jumps and falls to his death. 

The Burnette snickers to herself and says"I must admit I did watch the news at 5. The blonde says So did I but, I did'nt think he would jump twice!!

Funny blonde jokes- Dumb blonde jokes

16. A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I`ve kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I`ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. 

Signed, Blonde."  The Blonde then taped the note to the kid`s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.  The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.  The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

17. A Blonde was driving down the highway and she cuts off a Truck. The Driver motions for the Blonde to pull over. The blonde pulls over and the truck driver draws a circle on the road next to the car. He says "Don't leave this circle" and cuts her tires. He comes back and the Blonde is giggling. 

He says"Oh you think thats funny!" and rips her convertable top. He comes back and the blonde is laughing. The driver gets mad and lights her car on fire. The driver comes back and the blonde is rolling on the floor laughing. He asks " What is so funny!" She says "I stepped out of the circle 9 times!"

18. One day a blonde comes out of the tanning salon. She wants to make some money so she goes to one of the rich neighborhoods. She rings the door

bell and says, "HI, is there anything I could do for your house or you???"

The man thinks and says, "Sure, can paint my porch. You will find

all the stuff in the garage."

The girl says, "O.K., How much will you pay me?"

The man says, "How much does fifty bucks sound?"

The blonde quickly agrees and get straight to work. The wife who had heard the conversation inside says,

"50 bucks, I hope she knows the porch goes all around the house!"

25 minutes later the girl knocks on the door and says, "O.K. I am done. Can I have my money now?" Surprised the man replies, "O.K. Let me get the money"

He comes back and the girl says as she is leaving, "By the way, it's a Ferrari, not a Porch!"


19. A blonde gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing. She calls the police and reports a theft. When the police officer comes, he looks at the blonde who is crying and

says, "Maam...youre sitting in the backseat..."


Funny blonde jokes- dirty blonde jokes

20. Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN?

A: Because she didn't know which one came first!

Q: How can you confuse a blonde?

A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner. 

Q: How do blonde brain cells die?

A: Alone. 

Q: What did the blondes right leg say to her left leg?

A: Nothing, they never met.

Q: Why did God create blondes? 

A: Because sheep can't fetch a beer from the fridge. 

Q: Why did God create brunettes?

A: Because the blondes couldn't manage it either.

Q: What do you call a smart blonde?

A: A Golden retriever! 

Q: What do you get when you ask a blonde, a penny for your thoughts? 

A: Change! 

Q: Why do blondes take the pill?

A: So they know which day of the week it is. 

Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde? 

A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week! 

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?

A: Gifted. 

Q: Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together? 

A: They heard that under seventeen weren't admitted! 

Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common? 

A: They both have a black box. 

Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you? 

A: Tell her she's pregnant. 

Q: Why did the Blonde get fired at the M & M factory?

A: She threw out all the W's


21. In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth -- if you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first. "I think I'm the smartest woman on earth." "POOF!" She disappears. The redhead goes up to try. p> "I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth." "POOF!" She disappears. The blonde goes up. "I think--" "POOF!"


22. A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day, she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up!!! I'm going to shoot you next!''


23. Death: Its your time. give me your hand  Blonde: No! i know that if i dont touch you then Ill never die!  Death: Holy shit! You figured out the key to living forever! Youre soooo smart! High five!  Blonde: *high fives*   Death: Typical blonde... Dumbass...


Funny blonde jokes-Blonde jokes in English

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24. Blonde walks into a doctor's office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."


25. One day a blonde was broke and didn't know what to do. So she decided to kidnap a child. She went over to the play ground and saw plenty of little kids running around. She picked out this one little boy and went over and grabbed him. She told the little boy she was going to kidnap and the little boy knowing she was a blonde didn't mind at all. The blonde wrote a note as the following:

To whom it may concern:

I have just kidnapped your little boy and I want one million dollars in a paper bag under the peach tree at noon. 

Sincerely a blonde

After she was finished the note she pinned the note to his shirt and sent home. The next day the blonde she went to the peach tree at noon and there was a brown paper bag. All the money was there but there was a little note. It said:

Dear a blonde:Your money is all there I just wanted to know how you could do this to another blonde.


26. Eleven women were clinging precariously to a wildly

swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping 

on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette.

As a group they decided that one of the party should let go.

If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish. 

For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered.

Finally, the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would

sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.

All the blondes applauded.


27. A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car.   The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blondes drivers license.  The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a drivers license look like?"  Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, its got your picture on it!"  

The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom.   She held it up to her face and said, "Aha!   This must be my drivers license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.  

The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said,   "Youre free to go.   And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."


28. A man and a blonde are at an ATM.   The man says "I know your pincode, its ****" and the blonde says "No its not! Its 4829!"


29. Q: Whats dumber than a brunette trying to build a house under water?  A: A blonde trying to burn it down


30. “I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.  There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.


31. Q: Why cant a blonde dial 911?  A: She cant find the eleven.


32. A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone. 

 "Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator.  "Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde replies.  "Okay, where do you live?"  "In a house you silly billy!" the blonde replies.  "No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks frustratedly.  "Duh! Big Red Truck!!"


Funny blonde jokes-Blonde jokes

33. A blonde woman goes to work one day, crying.Her boss asks her why shes crying, and she says that she just heard that her mother had died.The boss tells her to go home and rest, but the woman wants to continue working so that she wont think about the sad news too much.A few hours later, the blonde receives a phone call. 

Afterwards, her boss hears her crying again.He goes and asks her what has happened. She says, Its so sad. My sister just called, and told me that her mother has died too.


34. One day while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.   The truck driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.   He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement.   He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.   Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.  

 The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.   This time the blonde laughed even harder.   Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.   The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so funny.  

 The blonde giggled and replied, “When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!


35. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when he saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT".

After thinking for a minute, he said to herself "oh well!" and turned around and drove home.

On his way home, the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS EIGHT MILES".

By the time he drove eight miles, he had cleaned 43 restrooms.


36. One day a blonde came home from school and came to her mother and said, "Hey, Mommy! Mommy!   Today in school we learned to count.   The other kids could only count to three but I can count to Ten..... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"  The mother responds, "Very good honey."   

The blonde asks, "Is that because Im a blonde mommy?"   And the mother responds, "Yes dear."  Next day the blonde came home and went to her mother and said, "Today in school we learned our ABCs!   The other kids could only get to D but I can get to K! .... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K!"  The mother says, "Very good honey."   The blonde then asked.   "Is that because Im a blonde, Mommy?"   The mother responds, "Yes dear."  

The third day the blonde come home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy today in school we went swimming!   But I was the only one who had breasts.   Is that because Im a blonde, Mommy?"  And the mother responds, "No Honey, its because youre twenty five."


37. Q: Why did the blonde climb on to the roof?  A: Someone told her the drinks were on the house.


38. Q: How do you confuse a blonde?A: You don't. They're born that way.


39. A brunette, a red-head and a blonde were in jail when they decided to break out. The girls broke out and the brunette said, "Lets hide in that barn, theyll never find us." So they climed up the ladder and then the blonde threw it down. The next morning, the cops said, "Come out with your hands in the air!" The red-head said, "Hide in those baskets, theyll never find us!" 

 So the Brunette got in the first one, the red-head got in the second one and the blonde got in the third one. Meanwhile, the cops were getting a ladder set up and trying to get up there. Once they got up, the seargent ordered them to kick the baskets. 

 So the cop kicked the first one: "RUFF." "Its just a damn dog!" yelled the cop. The cop kicked the next one: "MEOW." "Its just a damn cat," yelled the cop. The cop kicked the next basket and the blonde yelled, "POTATOES!


40. What do UFOs and smart blondes have in common?   "You keep hearing about them, but never see any."


41. How do you drown a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.


42. Two blondes were sitting on a bench on the Atlantic City boardwalk admiring a beautiful, bright full moon. One said to the other, "I wonder which is further away, Florida or the moon?" "Duh!" said the other, "Can you see Florida from here?"



43. What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?  Pull the pin and throw it back


44. A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions...  Officer: Whats 2+2?  Blonde: Ummmmm... 4!  Officer: Whats the square root of 100?  Blonde: Ummmm... 10!  Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?  Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno.  Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. 

Come back tomorrow.  The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, Im already working on a murder case!"


44. Blonde Logic  January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.  February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..."duh"...bottles wont fit in typewriter!  March - Got excited...finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 said "2-4 years!"  April - Trapped on escalator for hours...power went out!  May - Tried to make Kool-Aid...8 cups of water wont fit into those little packets!  June - Tried to go water skiing...couldnt find a lake with a slope.  July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition...learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!  August - Got locked out of car in rain swamped, because top was down.  September - The capital of California is "C"...isnt it?  October - Hate M & Ms...they are so hard to peel.  November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days...instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!  December - Couldnt call 911..."duh"...theres no "eleven" button on the phone!    What a year!


45. Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation.   They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before.    The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words.   She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene  on the behalf of the innocent.”   They throw the switch and nothing happens.   They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.    The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words.   “I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.”   They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.   Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.    The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the  University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya’ll ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.”


46. What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it

47. A Blonde crashed A Helicopter. A Police Officer Asked Her What Happened. She Says, "It Got Cold So I Turned Off The Fan."

48. A man walks into a bar, he takes a seat and asks the barmen if he wanted to hear a blonde joke, the barmen replies before you tell this joke I want to tell you something, see the women over there, she is a black belt in karate, she's blonde , see the bouncer over there he is also a blonde, see the chick over there with that pool que she is also blonde, also I have a shotgun behind the bar i'm blonde, so do you still want to tell your joke? He replies f**k that I ain't explaining the joke 4 times.

49. A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.

They had great seats right behind their teams bench.

After the game the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.

“Oh, I really liked it!” she replied, “Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?”

She said, “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’ I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!”

50. Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold? -- Because it's 90 degrees.

51. Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."

52. a blond, a red head, and brunette, were stuck on an island, and the closest populated island was 100km away, so in turn they try to swim to the island, the brunette swims 10 km then drowns, the red head swims 30 km then drowns, the blond swims 50 km then gets tired so she swims back.

53. What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?

Artifical Intelligence

54. A Blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."

55. What is the difference between butter and a blonde? - Butter is difficult to spread.

56. Police: Where Do You Live? Blonde: With My Parents Police: Where Does Your Parents Live? Blonde: With Me Police: Where Do You All Live? Blonde: Together Police: Where Is Your House? Blonde: Next To My Neighbors House Police: Where Is Your Neighbors House? Blonde: If I Tell You, You Won't Believe Me. Police: Tell Me. Blonde: Next To My House.

57. Why Was The Blonde Fired From The M&M Factory?

For Throwing Out the W's

Funny blonde jokes

58. A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says "Okay I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts". So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says "Here. Ow." 

She then pokes her arm and says "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop. The doctor say "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me??" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."

59. Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? - Because she heard the drinks were on the house.

60. Why can't they blonde call 911

Can she can't find the 11

61. Window Problems A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer." Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”

62. An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. 

On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The old lady thinks, "I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert."

The blonde thinks, "I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me and she slapped him."

The Frenchman thinks, "I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake."

The Englishman thinks, "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again."

vikas yadav

i am a blogger and writer and blogging is my hobby and side business too my blog

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